Long Live
by littlee0618
Summary: FutureFic inspired by stills from the glee finale. In which Rachel brings her son home to learn about someone important. His guardian angel.


**Well hello. Bet you guys thought you had gotten rid of me. Not so easy. **

**I want to take a moment, and give a warning of sorts. This one shot may be hard to read for some. It deals with death, and moving on. It's canon through season 6 so far with whatever changes I have made artistically for it to fit. It is fully, inspired by the stills that have leaked from the finale. If you've been around twitter, tumblr etc for the last two weeks you will know exactly which pictures I mean. Just like "The Sun Will Rise", this fic speculates on Rachel's final end. I believe, like most that she deserves a happy ending. Does it suck that it doesn't involve Finn? Of course. But it's reality. I can't say anymore than I haven't said in the AN there. Other than, we miss you Cory. **

**I have to thank Lauren for all of her help with this. She read copies of this over and over and over, amidst tears. She's the best. Thank you doll. **

**As always, I don't own Rachel or anyone from glee. I do, somewhat, own the plot and any original characters that appear. The lyrics in the beginning belong to the wonderful Taylor Swift, who also knew our precious Quarterback. **

**Enjoy_._**

* * *

**Long Live**

_Will you take a moment, promise me this__  
That you'll stand by me forever  
But if God forbid fate should step in  
__And force us into a goodbye__  
__**If you have children some day  
When they point to the pictures  
Please tell them my name**__  
Tell them how the crowds went wild  
Tell them how I hope they shine  
__**Taylor Swift - Long Live.**_

The apartment is dark, save for the neon lights that were staring back at her from the alarm clock on her night stand. She can't sleep yet she feels so exhausted. Even now her eyes blurred as she faced the small box. She can't even remember why they have it, as they both use their cell phone as alarm clocks. Well, they used to.

She tried to close her eyes again, tried to get herself to go back to sleep to the normally soothing sounds of her sleeping husband slightly snoring. But nothing was working. She turned over onto her back for a moment, her eyes shifting from the bright red lights to the dark shadows that danced on her ceiling.

But the shrill cry of the newborn from down the hall is what finally gets her to drag her tired body from the warm bed. She yawned as she pads down the hallway towards the frantic sounds of her newborn. Her mouth turned up into a small smile as she entered the dark, but brightly coloured nursery. The cries are louder in here, more desperate and she heart ached as she hurried her steps to get to the dark wood crib that held her child. Her hands are in the crib in almost a methodical fashion, cradling the small, wailing newborn to her chest in an instant.

"It's okay handsome," she softly crowed against the tiny newborns head. "Mommy's here."

The room goes silent minutes later, once she settled into the cushioned seat of the rocking chair and her son is finally feeding. All of this, the midnight wake up calls, another human depending on her, it's all so new. So new, yet it feels innately like she's been doing this her entire life.

She's happy, blissfully so. She's content, despite the lack of sleep and the fact that her body feels so strange and still so out of whack. She's at peace, finally, with what has become of her life and as her son stretches out his tiny hand with his long fingers she allows him to grasp her pointer finger on her free hand as best as he can.

But it wasn't always like this. She wasn't always this settled. There was a time in her life, where she thought the light would never shine again. A time when her heart felt heavy and her head felt dark. A time when she had felt that she was never going crawl out of the hole she had been shoved in. She had lost everything, hit rock solid bottom with no chance of coming up for air. Everything she had known had been pulled out from under her. She'd lost the love of her life, her job and even the very foundation of her life; her parents marriage had fallen apart at the seams. Nothing had survived that dark period. And she was quite certain, at some points - that she wouldn't survive either.

But with every dark period, comes light.

And Jesse was that light.

She'd taken a chance when he'd walked back into her life as her co-star in the first show to give her a chance. Being coworkers had levelled the playing field and ultimately led to her opening her heart. It hadn't been easy at first. When he first arrived, she was broken. She had tried, with Sam, to put the pieces back together but that had hurt too much. She associated Sam with Finn, and once her head had caught up with her heart there was no going back. She couldn't un-see it, couldn't _unfeel_ the connection.

Jesse understood that she needed time. He got that she was broken. But he had painstakingly took the time to help her put her life back together, one shard of glass at a time. She loved him for it, loved him for being patient enough to stand by her with no expectations for himself until she was ready. And eventually she was ready. To her, Jesse was safe. Jesse could be trusted. Jesse, could love her. Jesse did love her. And she, over time, grew to love him just as much.

It had taken awhile for her to love Jesse. It took understanding and a lot of conversations about their damaged past but they had worked through it. Their entire relationship was based solely on the mutual fact that they loved and respected each other. And that is what she loved most about him. That they were able to, in such a short time span, grow and overcome and achieve. They could be happy. She could be happy.

But he also understood, that there would always be a part of her heart that was devoted to Finn. Finn was her soul mate, and while she was in love with Jesse, they both knew it would never compare to the love she felt for Finn.

.  
The baby stopped nursing suddenly, pulling away from her breast to let out a big yawn as he blinked his tired eyes up at her. Rachel ran her finger along his little cheek as his eyes blinked once more.

"It's okay if you're sleepy baby, Mommy's sleepy too," she whispered. She brought him up to her shoulder and burped him gently. When he was finished, she cuddled him back in her arms and just held him.

Finley Liam St. James was born on a chilly September morning, a short 11 months after his parents were married. The pregnancy had been a surprise, a good one but a surprise nonetheless. They hadn't been trying, but as soon as the stick turned pink she knew it was what she wanted. The thought of having a baby scared her, but her love and want for the child never wavered. Until they were told it was a boy. She had cried that evening, after her and Jesse had celebrated with a late lunch at Sardi's. It wasn't because she had wanted one over the other, that just hadn't been the case. It was because she had dreamed of this for so long, and it reminded her once more that dreams didn't always turn out the way you thought they would.

It was Jesse, actually who had suggested it at first, naming the baby after _him_. It was with that simple gesture, that she knew she had chosen right.

The conversation they both had with Carole and Burt that night had sealed it. She didn't and wouldn't have gone ahead without Carole's blessing. The older woman had cried at the idea before giving her consent, mumbling between gasps that he would've been so proud of her.

It was Jesse, who had arrived at Finley first and Liam was chosen, not just to honor both of her father's but for Mr. Schuster as well, because in the end everything in Rachel St. James's life circled back to him and his very special glee club.

"You okay?" she heard his soft, sleep laden voice come from behind her.

She turned her head gently, trying not to disturb Finley as he succumb to sleep on her chest.

"Yeah, I'm okay," she paused. "Just want to sit here for a minute."

He nodded as he padded across the floor, coming to a stop next to the rocking chair where she sat. She smiled gently as he knelt beside her, one of his hands coming to rest on the baby's back while the other gently tangled in her hair. She nuzzled into his hand with the side of her face, closing her eyes once more as the closeness of her little family swept over her.

She was woken minutes later when Jesse gently tugged the baby from her arms. She opened her eyes slightly, enough to watch Jesse snuggle the tiny baby. She wasn't sure when she had fallen asleep.

"Daddy loves you," she heard him whisper before he placed him down in the crib. Her eyes watered as she watched him stare at the baby, their baby for a few minutes before he stretched to full height and turned to look at her.

"Come on," he whispered after he cleared his throat. "Let's get you back to bed before the little guy gets hungry again..." he reached for her hand and helped her up, before he pulled her into a hug.

"I love you," she whispered against his chest.

"I love you too songbird," he murmured against her head before placing a kiss on her hair.

* * *

It had become a yearly thing. No matter what they were doing, where they were going, who they were with the members of the original New Directions stopped what they were doing and headed back to Ohio. It was the one time of year no one skipped, no one made up silly excuses as to why they couldn't be there. They just did it.

Almost six years later and no one had missed a single year. But this year she almost did. Her hands shook as she stood up from her seat. Jesse had Finley cradled to his chest; the 11 week old had only settled after takeoff securely ensconced in Jesse's arms. It was a short flight, 2 hours from JFK to the airport in Dayton, but her nerves had been on fire the entire time. It was second nature to her now, the anxiety she felt where Finley was concerned. She hadn't wanted to fly, she had wanted to rent an SUV and drive at their own pace. But Jesse's show commitments only gave them a small window of time to work with. And the paediatrician had given them the okay, after all. It still didn't make her any less nervous. Everything about being a Mom made her nervous.

Jesse had sat her down, and calmly explained that everything would be fine, and aside from Finley's restlessness during the flight it had gone as well as possible. There were no death glares or snide comments. Her baby, and her had survived.

"Rachel, can you take him for a second please?" she heard Jesse softly whisper as he looked up at her.

"Oh. Yeah. Sorry," she whispered, reaching for the baby and cradling him to her chest. She held him against there as he strained to move his head against her chest, moving to look around. She placed a few quick kisses against his small head as Jesse quickly gathered their things together before leading her out of the plane.

She felt at home as soon as she stepped off the plane. With Finley cradled in her arms and Jesse following dutifully behind her with their carry-ons, she knew in her bones that she can do this. For him.

* * *

Her and Jesse are the first ones to arrive. Finley had a hard time acclimating to the hotel room the night before, and had only slept wrapped in her arms or on Jesse's chest. Neither of them got much rest, but they headed out to Carole and Burt's when they were ready.

This day has always been hard for her, for the simple fact that she feels like she could've done _something_. No one had seen the signs, no one had seen it coming. It was simply too late. She knows Carole blames herself a lot, and as she took a few tentative steps towards the front door of the Hudson-Hummel home, she tried to steady herself. It should be easier now, with so much time passed, but it hasn't gotten any better. The pain is nearly dulled, and now, every time she looks at her beautiful son she's reminded of what never was and never would be.

She's happy though. Jesse and success and Finley have made her this way. She's tired, exhausted even, but she's happy. It has taken a long time, to get to this level and she knows Carole's worked hard at her own happiness as has everyone else. She just hopes they can stay this way.

Jesse placed a soft kiss on her head before he reached to ring the doorbell, the baby safely tucked in the carrier. He's asleep, finally, but she knows it'll only be a little while before he's awake again. She's sure he'll be awake before they know it.

She sucked in a breath as Jesse placed his free hand on her back just as they heard footsteps coming to the door from the other side.

"Rachel," she heard and a small smile played on her lips as she comes face to face with Carole Hummel. She just goes by Carole Hummel these days; it's easier this way.

But it didn't stop her lip from trembling. The older woman opened her arms to her and embraced her immediately, each of them needing the embrace of the other for their own reasons.

Carole and Burt had been at her wedding to Jesse. She had wanted them there, because as much as her father's were her parents she felt in part that the Hummel's were hers to. Carole had always maintained Rachel was the daughter she always wanted, both before and after Finn had passed. Carole had always been the mother Rachel needed.

"It is so, so good to see you sweetheart," Carole whispered as she wrapped Rachel tightly in her arms. Rachel closed her eyes as tears spilled from her lashes. After a few passing minutes, the women separated and both dabbed at their eyes.

"It's good to see you," she murmured. Carole placed a kiss on Rachel's cheek before she gave her a sad smile.

"Jesse," Carole sighed as her smile widened, turning from Rachel to Jesse. "You look so good honey,"

"And you too Carole," he smiled, embracing her quickly.

Rachel bit her lip as they pulled apart. Carole led them into the house quietly, and she noticed that not even Kurt and Blaine have arrived yet.

"They'll be here soon," Carole murmured as she showed them to the living room. "Burt is in the shower and should be down soon."

Both Jesse and Rachel nodded as they settled on the couch, Finley's carrier between them on the floor. Rachel's eyes fluttered to the carrier on the floor as Finley moved slightly. She waited a beat to see what would happen, before she turned to Jesse just in time for him to place a kiss on her cheek. She sighed contentedly for a moment before the baby began to full out cry.

Rachel bit her lip once more as Jesse bent down to pick the small baby up and out of his seat. Rachel watched intently as Jesse cradled the baby to his chest as Carole watched the scene in front of her. Rachel could feel her eyes on her as Jesse passed Finley to her so he could dig through the diaper bag for his soother. When he found it, he handed it to Rachel to settle him as he wrapped his arm around her shoulders. Rachel didn't miss the sad smile that graced Carole's features. When the baby was calm, Rachel turned to look at her.

"Carole," she swallowed, her eyes leaving the baby to look at her. "Carole, I'd like you to meet my..." she paused, looking at Jesse. "...our son Finley Liam St. James," she paused to wait for Carole's reaction.

Instead of saying anything, Carole slid out of the easy chair she had been sitting in to come and sit beside Rachel. The infant sucked on his soother contentedly as the older woman came closer, her fingers stroked his tiny cheek as his eyes tried to focus on the older woman in front of him.

Both Rachel and Jesse sat there for what felt like an eternity as Carole took in the infant, staring at him as her eyes misted over.

"He's gorgeous Rachel," she whispered, her eyes finally tearing away from the baby and looking at Rachel. "He would be so proud of you, you know."

"You think so?" she asked, her own voice coming out thick and raspy as Jesse squeezed her shoulder.

"I know so."

* * *

It was later that day, after everyone arrived, Quinn with Puck, Brittany with Santana, Kurt with Blaine. Everyone is there, even Mr. Schuster and his two kids, that she began to feel the emotional effects of the day. She sequestered herself upstairs with Finley, she was still getting used to the idea of nursing the baby around other people. Her feet, mind and heart took her by memory to her favourite place in the house, his room. Or what was his room.

Jesse stayed downstairs, deadlocked in a conversation with Mr. Schuster about the arts at their alma maters.

She wanted to be alone with her thoughts anyways. The room is much the same as it has been on the previous anniversary's she had been here. The dark blue colour on the walls remains as does the thick comforter on the bed. She knew small things had changed, like linens and such because Kurt has told her the room has been used by one guest or another. But it's still all the same for her. There are still pictures on the walls, his jersey was framed and placed on the wall, his mother doing the same with one of his other jerseys that they had at the high school.

The baby didn't drift to sleep when he finished nursing. Instead, after he let out a ferocious burp he stared up at Rachel with his green eyes bright and alert, taking her in. He has been staring more lately, as he gets older and time continues on. They've had many moments like this, Jesse often referred to them as their Mommy/Son moments and she can only hope that there are many, many more in her future. This baby has become everything to her, everything she's ever wanted in life and she hopes in some way she can show him that. But the way he's taking her in right now is different. She's not sure how different, but his green eyes are intent on her as his arms and hands move involuntarily. His eyes moved around the room, she's sure he's taking in the different environment. He's been attentive like this since he was a newborn; this part of his developing personality she attributed to his St. James genes.

She adjusted him in her arms after a few more minutes have gone by, leaning him up against her shoulder as she stood up from the bed. She kissed the side of his head gently, the baby gurgling against her shoulder as she did so.

"Mommy used to spend a lot of time in this room when she was younger," she murmured against his head. He strained to move his head slightly, taking in the room around him. "This was my safe place. This entire house, was my safe place. I often thought of it as my home."

She had to pause as she came to stand beside the desk, the cork board beside the wooden piece of furniture still covered with mementos of a life cut short. A life that was missing.

"You should know how you got your name my sweet boy," she whispered as her lips brushed the top of his head, where his hair has begun to thicken. He turned his head so it rested above her heart, his eyes trained on the board in front of him, just where Rachel was looking as well.

Pictures were littered across the small space, encompassing years worth of memories in just a small segment of wall. Finley sighed as his hand grabbed for the material of the sweater she was wearing. Her eyes moved around, finding the one picture she knew was there. It was pinned dead center on the wall in front his desk, a place the person who had put it there, one of honor. Tears pricked her eyes as she looked at the photograph, remembering quickly that day so vividly.

"You were named for this guy right here," she whispered as she pointed to a picture of the two of them. They both looked so happy, in their own world as Kurt had looked on with a face that could only be described as disgust. My how things had changed. "He was the most amazing man I ever met Finley. He was incredible. A real, knight in shining varsity coat," she chuckled as she traced her finger along his face. Another photo, framed this time, caught her eye on the bookshelf to her left. It's one from their senior prom, the one she almost skipped. He had made her feel like a queen that night, and every day afterwards until they had no more time left. "He gave up a lot so Mommy could be who she is today. You see, Mommy loved him so much that she was going to marry him. She was going to marry him instead of pursuing Broadway and make a life with him that was destined for epicness, to use his words," she chuckled as she paused. "But he didn't want Mommy to be stuck in this town. He didn't want Mommy to lose her dreams. So he did the most selfless thing anyone has ever done for Mommy. He put her on a train, and sent her off to pursue her dreams. Even though it hurt, it hurt like hell sweetheart, Mommy eventually came to understand that it was for the best. Even if it broke my heart." Her breath wavered as she kissed the baby's head again. He let out a small squawk as he looked up at her again, his head bobbing and unsteady. "He was the best man Finley. He was kind, patient, supportive, loving...he was funny, and a hard worker. And now he's our guardian angel. Which is why we wanted you to have his name. Because without him Finley, Mommy wouldn't have anything. I wouldn't have my career, I wouldn't have any of my friends, I wouldn't have Daddy and most importantly I wouldn't have you sweet boy."

A throat clearing stopped her thoughts abruptly. She turned her head to see Jesse standing at the door, his arms crossed and his body leaning against the frame.

"Hey," he whispered.

"Hi," she answered softly. "We were just going to come down..."

Jesse gave her a small smile as he took a step closer to her, wrapping his arm around her waist and pulling her into him.

"What are you guys doing up here?"

She blew out an unsteady breath for a moment, trying to articulate what she had been talking to their son about. "Rachel? You okay?"

One thing about Jesse. He never calls her Rach. He'll call her anything but. For the simple fact that that had been Finn's nickname for her. And that's just fine with both of them.

"I'm fine," she cleared her throat. "We're fine. We were just talking about how he got his name."

Jesse smiled at her admission. He slipped the baby from her arms and kissed his small forehead.

"Was Mommy telling you about your name tough guy?" His voice does a weird influx when he's talking to the baby, gentle and silly. His eyes found hers over the baby's head for a moment before he looked back down at their son. "You are named for the strongest man I've ever known," he sighed. "He was a born leader and though I didn't know him half as well as your Mom did," he gave Rachel a small smile as the baby gurgled in his arms. "I do know that he loved everyone equally. He always rooted for the underdog, even when they didn't deserve it. He would've loved you kid," he murmured against his head as he met her eyes over the baby's head.

* * *

A few years have passed, when they make the trip once more. But this time it's different. They're older, all of them. Worn out from raising a family in the heart of the city. But they still don't miss this anniversary for anything. Especially now that Finley finally understands. She's due back on stage once they return, finally earning the role of Maria after what felt like an eternity.

She took Finley by the hand after lunch, the five year old as rambunctious as ever after being spoiled with candy and chocolate by both Burt and Carole. Jesse stayed back at the house with their 1 year old Piper as she had hit the wall from her own sugar rush despite the epic meltdown that had ensued.

He's buried not too far from the house, and it's warm enough once she zips up his coat and covers his head of unruly brown hair with a hat. If they take a walk, he'll expend energy and hopefully sleep tonight.

"Where are we going Mommy?" he bounced on his toes as she held his hand in hers.

"You'll see in one moment sweet boy," she sighed as they round the corner that leads to the entrance of the small cemetery.

"It's quiet here Mommy," he observed as he looked around.

"It is. It's because it's a special place," she commented, leading him through the headstones before coming to the one she was looking for.

_Finn Hudson  
1994-2013  
He took the midnight train going anywhere..._

She waited until he could understand fully to bring him here. She's told him the stories for as long as she can remember, starting with that first trip back home after he was born. But it has taken until today to bring him here to meet the man he's named for.

She stopped in front of the headstone, and tugged Finley to stand with her.

"Do you remember the story Mommy and Daddy told you, about how you got your name?" She turned the little boy to look at her. His eyes stared at hers for a moment and she can see him trying to work out what she's asking.

"Yeah. You and Daddy says my name is from my guardian angel who loved Mommy lots and lots..." he pushed at the grass with his boot covered foot. "Right?"

She nodded slowly, her throat thickening not unexpectedly. "You're right sweet boy. You're right. Uncle Finn loved Mommy so much and because he loved Mommy, he loves you just as much too..."

"And Piper?' his eyes widen as he looked at her. "Everyone loves Piper."

Rachel chuckled. "Yeah. He loves Piper too, I'm sure. But you'll always be special to him because..."

"Because we have the same name!" his eyes fluttered to Finn's headstone. He broke from Rachel's arms and slowly walked up to the black granite. "See! The first three letters are the sames!"

She bit her lip as she watched him study the headstone.

"When will I get to meet him Mommy?" he asked quietly. "I want to tell him we have the same name..."

Rachel swallowed hard and walked closer to the headstone.

"Not for a long time baby. But he's always watching you, and Mommy and Piper..."

"And Daddy?"

"And Daddy," she confirmed. "He loves you sweet boy, and he's keeping us safe from where he is."

"Can I talk to him? Do you think he'd like that?"

"I'm sure he would love it." The tears immediately floated to her eyes just then. She bit her lip as she crouched beside Finley and wrapped her arms around him as the tears spilled down her cheeks. She was sure, at that moment, that her words were true. Finn would've loved this little boy just as much as she did.

* * *

She returned later, this time by herself. It's dark, she'd driven Jesse and the kids back to the hotel before coming back here. She retraced her steps from earlier with Finley, a flashlight in one hand and a bunch of red and white carnations in the other. This is something she's done every year. Come by herself, a flashlight and flowers in tow.

She planted the flowers first, methodically taking out the ones that had dried up before placing the new bunch in the vase that is always there. Carole assured her there's always flowers on his grave, something they both knew he would've liked.

"Hi Finn," she whispered when she was finished. She kneeled on the ground, her knees immediately becoming cold when they hit the damp ground. It's started to snow, which is ironic because the snow and this time of year had always been Finn's favourite. "Kind of crazy that it's been 11 years, huh?" She pushed a piece of hair behind her ear. "A lot has changed in the last 11 years, but I guess you know that. Jesse and I have been married for 6 years. Finley's 5. Piper's 1. Time has just been speeding by us. In a blur of performances, and after school activities and birthdays and celebrations." she paused to swallow hard. "I crashed my car, a few weeks ago...thank God the kids weren't with me because it was bad. But I walked away without anything more than a few scratches and bruises. I guess I have you to thank for that, don't I? I have you to thank for all of it...everything I have is because of you Finn. And I just...I wanted to say thank you. For everything. For my life. For loving me." She took a deep breath, pausing to wipe the tears that have spilled from her cheeks as she spoke. "Thank you Finn, for always being my guiding light." She looked up at the sky, noticing the star above her shining bright. She knew he was watching. She knew he'd always be watching. He wasn't just Finley's guardian angel. He was hers too.

* * *

_RIP Cory Monteith. _  
_No hate please. _


End file.
